Owen the Curmudgeon, the Also Prez of Pug Squad, and my best friend, left us on January 12th. I was going to write an essay on what he meant to me, but instead, I felt I would like to share a little something that helps me deal with this devastating loss.
Time goes by so quickly, doesn’t it? Just over two years ago, my entire life changed forever. You came through the door and we became instant best friends. The next 27 months were filled with fun, adventure, new friends and many, many pictures. I would wake you up just to take another photo. You’d rock every outfit like a pro.
Oh, the fun we’d have. Remember our first trip into Northport? You met a pig at the farmer’s market. Or the time we got ice cream at PetSmart? You were the best, crankiest elf to my Santa at the photoshoots.
It wasn’t always fun. You were cranky. A lot. You hated getting out of bed, being put outside to do your morning business or having your dry nose cleaned. Then, there was our bad patch. I don’t like to talk about that, but it happened. You were mad at me. For what felt like months. You would constantly snap at me if I picked you up, gave you a kiss or looked at you. I was crushed. I was worried. Even Mommy knew something was wrong. We took you to Dr. Johnson, we put you on medications and you still were mad at me. Then came Pug Camp.
I don’t know what happened. Maybe the meds kicked in, maybe it was the clear, crisp mountain air, or maybe it was the fun and quality time we spent together, but you came back. The old you. My Owie boy. You had so much fun at the events. You reveled in the spotlight at your Pup Style book signing. You ran your little legs off in the Pug Olympics. Then came my proudest moment; the Pajama Contest. Wearing your bunny PJ’s with socks, you competed with the other seniors and padded across that stage like a champ…AND WON! You took home the prize and I almost cried. That was the best weekend in our lives, because my BFF came back to me. After that, you never left again.
Until you did.
I didn’t see it coming, Owie. I didn’t have time to prepare. One minute I’m cradling you as we walked through the house, looking into your eyes and telling you how much I loved you, making your egg sandwich for dinner and the next, you’re on the floor, gone. No goodbye, no final words. Your little heart just gave out.
You took something with you, a big chunk of my own heart. Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t even think I really have. I don’t want to let you go. You were always more than a pet, more than just another Pug. You were my cranky little curmudgeon, my little partner, my best friend.
I’ll miss you forever.
I’m not really sentimental. So, this is kinda hard for me to write, but whatever. Yeah, time went by really fast. When the lady brought me to the house and we met, I was like “yeah, this is the guy.” I don’t wantcha to get too fulla yourself, but you were pretty okay.
Look, I know I was cranky and snappy. Especially that time I was always mad. I wasn’t really mad at you, Dadums. I was just really achy and I didn’t know how to tell you. I know it upset you and I’m sorry, but what do you want, I don’t do English well. Remember how I’d feel better when we went to bed at night? That’s because you always propped my chin up with your arm and hugged me all night. I wasn’t cranky then, was I?
You were right, though, the camp…that was a lotta fun. And, can I say this? I loved how proud of me you were. I really just wanted us to be pals and have fun and be happy. That weekend was so great and after that, I felt better. Even when I didn’t, I tried not to take it out on you.
You’re wrong about one thing, though, Dadums. We did say goodbye. You remember that night. You had one of your plays. I wasn’t feeling good all day. I just wanted to rest. But, I wanted to see you one last time. I waited for you. You came home, I was so happy. You picked me up and carried me to the kitchen and the whole time, I was looking at you. Remember? You said, over and over, “who lubs you? Dadums lubs you!” You kissed my face a lot. I grumbled, but only because I had a rep to keep up. You made me an egg sandwich just the way I like it. But I wasn’t really hungry. I wanted to lie down. But I knew you’d be worried, so I went to the bowl. I knew you’d feel okay and go do what you had to do. I didn’t want you to be sad. That was my goodbye to you. That was the only way I could tell you how much I loved you.
I know how much you hurt, Dadums. I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t. Don’t be mad, and don’t feel guilty. It was so fast, even I didn’t know it happened. Please don’t stay sad for too long. Just remember all our good times and never forget that you saved my life and made it the best years I ever had.
I’m not gonna say goodbye, because I’m always going to be looking out for you. Whenever you think of me, whenever you smile at me, I’m next to you. Trust me.
Love you, Dadums. And the lady, too.
Your pal forever,